Merry Christmas!

And the Chocolate Rain guys sings a Christmas classic:

A Week+ later...

...and it's still funny.

I just don't get this new fangled interbox machine.

I consider myself pretty hip and cool on the interwebs. I know about the youtubes and the viral videos and such.

But I do not get twitter.

And yes, I'm in advertising. I've attended quite a few forums and presentations on how twitter and other micro-blogging can help a brand. You want to know my take? It's extremely overhyped. Unless you're product fills a very specific, heretofore empty niche market, it isn't that helpful.

And that's just businesses.

For normal people, WTF? It's even worse than a facebook status message, because facebook lets you use more than 160 characters (and gives you an excuse to write in the third person). No, I'll tell you what twitter is. But I'll give you a couple hints first.

"eating breakfast."

"I'm mowing my lawn."

"Brother just set the couch on fire. brb."

Guessed it yet? This one will do it for you.

"I'm away from my computer right now."

That's right! Twitter has been around for a long time, in the form of an AIM away message.

BUT MIKE TWITTER LETS YOU BROADCAST TO THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!?!!1

Yes, and if you're an Iranian getting the crap beat out of you by your government, that's great. But for the rest of you, have fun with your away messages.

This is how awesome my little sister is.

She just showed me these videos on youtube.

I'm too lazy to embed them, so just click the links.

Karate.

Beautiful Doctor.

This one is my favorite.

Watch out, he says a bad word.

All you need to know about my time in Vegas

In one picture.

Happy Memorial Day

America's last living veteran of "the war to end all wars".

Thank you.

Cheneykus

Dick Cheney gave a speech this morning that was very critical of President Obama. This is the speech he gave in Haiku form. Regardless of your political leanings, it's pretty funny.

Glee

Just so I don't have to tell people to watch it once it gets into its second or third season like I had to do with 24 and The Office, just go watch the pilot for "Glee" now. It's on Hulu, but if your internet is good you can get better quality from Fox.com.

Brother Joseph (Lawless)

My good friend Joseph Lawless just got back from his mission a couple of weeks ago, and I had the opportunity of going to see his homecoming talk today. He spoke on a topic very personal to him and one that should be personal to every member of the LDS church: member missionary work.

Joe was baptized at the ripe young age of 17 1/2, a direct product of friends who were willing to share the gospel with him. His father did not want him to join the church, and so Joe took the discussions at six month intervals for over three years, attended church and went to (and I believe even graduated from) seminary until his dad finally consented.

Seeing him speak was a great for multiple reasons, not the least of which was witnessing the immense spiritual growth he had over the last two years. However, what stuck with me was how powerfully he taught the importance of member retention and enduring to the end.

In a comparison I've never heard used before, Joe taught that enduring to the end is much like building a brick wall around your house. He said you don't just lay a few bricks down and call it a day, you continue to slowly build it, layer by layer.

The analogy is extremely fitting and pondering it more only made me realize it more so. Many people fall away from the church because they don't continue to build this protective outer wall. How many RM's have fallen away, not because they necessarily lost their testimonies of the church but because they stopped building their brick wall, which kept the ever increasing dangers of the world out? I don't know how many inactive members I met in Mexico who could still bare a burning testimony of the Book of Mormon but because they stopped building their wall were no longer willing to do anything about it.

As members we often hear of the first four principles and ordinances of the gospel, and later as missionaries we add "Enduring to the End" as the fifth. In the story of the Israelites in bondage, God creates divine symbolism by having them pass through the Red Sea (baptism) and protects them with a pillar of fire (gift of the Holy Ghost). I'm not sure if this is part of God's intended symbolism, but I certainly find wandering around in the desert for 40 years symbolic of enduring to the end. Enduring to the end takes a long time and is oftentimes difficult, but the payoff is worth it.

Building a brick wall takes a great deal of time as well, and in a spiritual sense we will never stop building it. But it is the only way to keep ourselves safe from the damaging outside influences of the world.

Thank you Joe.

Something Actually Worthwhile

I'm not going to write much because this site does it much better.If you can, donate. If not, at least send an angry e-mail or something.

For Future Reference...

A George Foreman Grill, a waffle maker, and a "Snakmaster",

Will all do the exact same thing to a sandwich.

With Apologies to Matthew

Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain RA, which would randomly check on his tenants.

And when he had begun to do cleaning checks, he happened upon one apartment which had been destroyed the night before by a huge party.

And because there were like 15 holes in the walls and serious water damage, the RA told him that he’d be evicted, and he would take his security deposit and made him sell his car, laptop and iPod to pay for the damages. And take his girlfriend on a date.

The student therefore fell down, and pleaded with him, saying, dude, cut me some slack, and I’ll get you the money.

Then the RA of that student was moved with compassion, and told him to get off the floor because it was still covered in salsa and soda from the party, and said that this time, he had his back.

But that same student went out, and found one of his classmates, to which he lent a pen one time: and he grabbed him, and started choking him, saying, give me my freaking pen back.

And his classmate fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, dude, cut me some slack, I’ll get it back to you tomorrow.

But he didn’t cut him any slack, but sent him to the honor code office for lying and got him kicked out of BYU.

So when his classmates found out what that jerk did, they were really pissed, and came and told the RA all that was done.

Then his RA, after he had called him, said unto him, O you complete idiot, I patched up your whole apartment for no charge and didn’t make you let me date your girlfriend because you had a good pouty face.

Why in the world could not you have just got a different pen?

And the RA was pissed, and delivered him to the honor code office, and got him kicked out of BYU.

Late Night Obama Jokes

I honestly have not heard any late night jokes about Obama, and only a few about his administration. So, in the spirit of making light of something that is sending us straight to the crapper, I will (very poorly) do the job that around 100 different people get paid to do but won't.

Here we go:

In a act symbolizing the Obama administraion's vow to reset US-Russia relations, Hillary Clinton gave the Russian Foriegn Minsiter a gift of a black vase that said "peregruzka", which means "reset".

Or at least that's what she thought.

"Peregruzka" means "overcharge" in Russian. Don't be hard on her, it was a simple mistake that could have happened to any one of her hundreds of aids using freetranslation.com. And actually, it wasn't a translation mistake at all; The American Taxpayer accidentally got the "reset" vase instead of the "overcharge" one.

Another one:

President Obama spoke to graduates of the police academy in Ohio, announcing that his stimulus package saved 25 jobs. I'll copy the relevant part of the transcript below:

All together, this recovery plan will save and create over three and a half million American jobs over the next two years. Because of this plan, those who've lost their jobs in this recession will be able to receive extended unemployment benefits and continued health care coverage.

Because of this plan, 95 percent of working Americans will receive a tax break that you will see in our paychecks starting on April 1st.

Yay! $13 more a week! Don't spend it all at one place!

That wasn't funny, that was just depressing. My bad. I'm horrible. Til next time.

Let it Out

Maybe I missed Kleenex's "Let it Out" campaign because I was in Mexico, but in the off chance you missed it too, it was a well done, emotional, feel-good campaign.

Kleenex had to fight an uphill battle against irrelevancy. When your brand name is so commonplace people use it instead of the actual product name, it's hard to differentiate yourself from the competition.

Just watch the video until the first commercial ends.

Feel better?

The winds of change are blowing...

My friends and I are starting a project. Will it be awesome? Probably not. Will I enjoy doing it? Probably yes.

So all two of you that read this, get excited. Announcements to come soon. I will leave you with a picture that makes me happy every time I look at it.

I love ice sculptures

Especially the ironic kind.

When lots of people do something, it makes it cool.

So supposedly there's gonna be a flash mob in the wilk tomorrow. I don't really know why, there's gonna be a maximum of 60 people mobbing in a building that always has at least 500.

I have a better idea. I think we should start a flash comment mob. Just like 500 people, all commenting 10 times on some blog that almost no one reads. Like this one. And as no one reads this, my idea will go to waste.

But one day someones going to do it, and it's going to be on the news, and I'm going to say

Me: Hey, I came up with that.
Someone else: Really? That's cool. (Lying sack of crap)
Me: They should be interviewing me.
Someone else: Yeah, it's too bad.

Yeah. That will be awesome.

The solution to the auto crisis

So I was reading my friend's livejournal (ruuna.livejournal.com, although I don't know why I'm linking because only his friends can read it) and he started a new tradition this year. Every day he posts a random holiday somewhere in the world, and random facts that happened on the same day years before.

On January 13th, 1942 - Henry Ford patents the "plastic automobile."



There are so many things we need to thank him for.


In all seriousness, this thing:

Gets 66mpg, can go 60m/h in both directions, and has holes in the floor so it drains itself when it rains. And it costs a little over $15,000.

All you peeps in Detroit, take a good long look at that plastic car. Then, how bout you design more cars that are cool, cheap, and get good gas mileage. Sure, maybe the "Acrea Zest" wouldn't sell in the US, but the freaking FRENCH made that thing! You can do better than them you slacktards.

If you shoot for the moon and miss, you'll be floating out in space for forever.

My Dad is what I would call a true professional at goal setting. He is GOOD; back in his day as Bishop he would give a fireside every year on how to make effective goals. I thought I'd share some of his wisdom.

Before February.

There are 5 rules to effective goal setting, or "3 Rs, M, D":
(You can see where my spelling expertise came from)

1. Realistic - It has to be a goal that you can truly see yourself reaching, or you won't push yourself to reach it.
2. Reviewed Daily - If you're not looking at it every day, you will often forget about the goal. It needs to be at least in the back of your mind almost always.
3. (w)Ritten Down - This is similar to rule #2; it's easy to forget goals that you don't have down in stone.
4. Measurable - You have to be able to judge your own progress and the success of your goal. "I want to be a more grateful person" is not something you can measure, but "I'm going to say 'thank-you' every time somebody does something nice to me" is.
5. Deadline - The day by which you want to have accomplished your goal.

Be careful when setting goals that depend on the actions of other people. You should never beat yourself up over not accomplishing a goal, but be especially careful about not being hard on yourself for goals that other people influence. For example, if my goal was to win a basketball championship by the end of the year, I could practice every day and become incredibly good at basketball, but it's still up to the rest of my team.

Also, be careful about who you share your goals with. While some people might encourage your and help you along, others might be a little on the teasing side. There you go, the first truly helpful blog post I have created (and quite possibly the last). Now it's time for me to take my own advice and set some solid goals for 2009.

Close the Door.

That's what my mom always told me. But I'm having trouble.