With Apologies to Matthew

Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain RA, which would randomly check on his tenants.

And when he had begun to do cleaning checks, he happened upon one apartment which had been destroyed the night before by a huge party.

And because there were like 15 holes in the walls and serious water damage, the RA told him that he’d be evicted, and he would take his security deposit and made him sell his car, laptop and iPod to pay for the damages. And take his girlfriend on a date.

The student therefore fell down, and pleaded with him, saying, dude, cut me some slack, and I’ll get you the money.

Then the RA of that student was moved with compassion, and told him to get off the floor because it was still covered in salsa and soda from the party, and said that this time, he had his back.

But that same student went out, and found one of his classmates, to which he lent a pen one time: and he grabbed him, and started choking him, saying, give me my freaking pen back.

And his classmate fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, dude, cut me some slack, I’ll get it back to you tomorrow.

But he didn’t cut him any slack, but sent him to the honor code office for lying and got him kicked out of BYU.

So when his classmates found out what that jerk did, they were really pissed, and came and told the RA all that was done.

Then his RA, after he had called him, said unto him, O you complete idiot, I patched up your whole apartment for no charge and didn’t make you let me date your girlfriend because you had a good pouty face.

Why in the world could not you have just got a different pen?

And the RA was pissed, and delivered him to the honor code office, and got him kicked out of BYU.