With Apologies to Matthew

Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain RA, which would randomly check on his tenants.

And when he had begun to do cleaning checks, he happened upon one apartment which had been destroyed the night before by a huge party.

And because there were like 15 holes in the walls and serious water damage, the RA told him that he’d be evicted, and he would take his security deposit and made him sell his car, laptop and iPod to pay for the damages. And take his girlfriend on a date.

The student therefore fell down, and pleaded with him, saying, dude, cut me some slack, and I’ll get you the money.

Then the RA of that student was moved with compassion, and told him to get off the floor because it was still covered in salsa and soda from the party, and said that this time, he had his back.

But that same student went out, and found one of his classmates, to which he lent a pen one time: and he grabbed him, and started choking him, saying, give me my freaking pen back.

And his classmate fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, dude, cut me some slack, I’ll get it back to you tomorrow.

But he didn’t cut him any slack, but sent him to the honor code office for lying and got him kicked out of BYU.

So when his classmates found out what that jerk did, they were really pissed, and came and told the RA all that was done.

Then his RA, after he had called him, said unto him, O you complete idiot, I patched up your whole apartment for no charge and didn’t make you let me date your girlfriend because you had a good pouty face.

Why in the world could not you have just got a different pen?

And the RA was pissed, and delivered him to the honor code office, and got him kicked out of BYU.

Late Night Obama Jokes

I honestly have not heard any late night jokes about Obama, and only a few about his administration. So, in the spirit of making light of something that is sending us straight to the crapper, I will (very poorly) do the job that around 100 different people get paid to do but won't.

Here we go:

In a act symbolizing the Obama administraion's vow to reset US-Russia relations, Hillary Clinton gave the Russian Foriegn Minsiter a gift of a black vase that said "peregruzka", which means "reset".

Or at least that's what she thought.

"Peregruzka" means "overcharge" in Russian. Don't be hard on her, it was a simple mistake that could have happened to any one of her hundreds of aids using freetranslation.com. And actually, it wasn't a translation mistake at all; The American Taxpayer accidentally got the "reset" vase instead of the "overcharge" one.

Another one:

President Obama spoke to graduates of the police academy in Ohio, announcing that his stimulus package saved 25 jobs. I'll copy the relevant part of the transcript below:

All together, this recovery plan will save and create over three and a half million American jobs over the next two years. Because of this plan, those who've lost their jobs in this recession will be able to receive extended unemployment benefits and continued health care coverage.

Because of this plan, 95 percent of working Americans will receive a tax break that you will see in our paychecks starting on April 1st.

Yay! $13 more a week! Don't spend it all at one place!

That wasn't funny, that was just depressing. My bad. I'm horrible. Til next time.