With Apologies to Matthew

Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain RA, which would randomly check on his tenants.

And when he had begun to do cleaning checks, he happened upon one apartment which had been destroyed the night before by a huge party.

And because there were like 15 holes in the walls and serious water damage, the RA told him that he’d be evicted, and he would take his security deposit and made him sell his car, laptop and iPod to pay for the damages. And take his girlfriend on a date.

The student therefore fell down, and pleaded with him, saying, dude, cut me some slack, and I’ll get you the money.

Then the RA of that student was moved with compassion, and told him to get off the floor because it was still covered in salsa and soda from the party, and said that this time, he had his back.

But that same student went out, and found one of his classmates, to which he lent a pen one time: and he grabbed him, and started choking him, saying, give me my freaking pen back.

And his classmate fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, dude, cut me some slack, I’ll get it back to you tomorrow.

But he didn’t cut him any slack, but sent him to the honor code office for lying and got him kicked out of BYU.

So when his classmates found out what that jerk did, they were really pissed, and came and told the RA all that was done.

Then his RA, after he had called him, said unto him, O you complete idiot, I patched up your whole apartment for no charge and didn’t make you let me date your girlfriend because you had a good pouty face.

Why in the world could not you have just got a different pen?

And the RA was pissed, and delivered him to the honor code office, and got him kicked out of BYU.

Late Night Obama Jokes

I honestly have not heard any late night jokes about Obama, and only a few about his administration. So, in the spirit of making light of something that is sending us straight to the crapper, I will (very poorly) do the job that around 100 different people get paid to do but won't.

Here we go:

In a act symbolizing the Obama administraion's vow to reset US-Russia relations, Hillary Clinton gave the Russian Foriegn Minsiter a gift of a black vase that said "peregruzka", which means "reset".

Or at least that's what she thought.

"Peregruzka" means "overcharge" in Russian. Don't be hard on her, it was a simple mistake that could have happened to any one of her hundreds of aids using freetranslation.com. And actually, it wasn't a translation mistake at all; The American Taxpayer accidentally got the "reset" vase instead of the "overcharge" one.

Another one:

President Obama spoke to graduates of the police academy in Ohio, announcing that his stimulus package saved 25 jobs. I'll copy the relevant part of the transcript below:

All together, this recovery plan will save and create over three and a half million American jobs over the next two years. Because of this plan, those who've lost their jobs in this recession will be able to receive extended unemployment benefits and continued health care coverage.

Because of this plan, 95 percent of working Americans will receive a tax break that you will see in our paychecks starting on April 1st.

Yay! $13 more a week! Don't spend it all at one place!

That wasn't funny, that was just depressing. My bad. I'm horrible. Til next time.

Let it Out

Maybe I missed Kleenex's "Let it Out" campaign because I was in Mexico, but in the off chance you missed it too, it was a well done, emotional, feel-good campaign.

Kleenex had to fight an uphill battle against irrelevancy. When your brand name is so commonplace people use it instead of the actual product name, it's hard to differentiate yourself from the competition.

Just watch the video until the first commercial ends.

Feel better?

The winds of change are blowing...

My friends and I are starting a project. Will it be awesome? Probably not. Will I enjoy doing it? Probably yes.

So all two of you that read this, get excited. Announcements to come soon. I will leave you with a picture that makes me happy every time I look at it.

I love ice sculptures

Especially the ironic kind.

When lots of people do something, it makes it cool.

So supposedly there's gonna be a flash mob in the wilk tomorrow. I don't really know why, there's gonna be a maximum of 60 people mobbing in a building that always has at least 500.

I have a better idea. I think we should start a flash comment mob. Just like 500 people, all commenting 10 times on some blog that almost no one reads. Like this one. And as no one reads this, my idea will go to waste.

But one day someones going to do it, and it's going to be on the news, and I'm going to say

Me: Hey, I came up with that.
Someone else: Really? That's cool. (Lying sack of crap)
Me: They should be interviewing me.
Someone else: Yeah, it's too bad.

Yeah. That will be awesome.

The solution to the auto crisis

So I was reading my friend's livejournal (ruuna.livejournal.com, although I don't know why I'm linking because only his friends can read it) and he started a new tradition this year. Every day he posts a random holiday somewhere in the world, and random facts that happened on the same day years before.

On January 13th, 1942 - Henry Ford patents the "plastic automobile."



There are so many things we need to thank him for.


In all seriousness, this thing:

Gets 66mpg, can go 60m/h in both directions, and has holes in the floor so it drains itself when it rains. And it costs a little over $15,000.

All you peeps in Detroit, take a good long look at that plastic car. Then, how bout you design more cars that are cool, cheap, and get good gas mileage. Sure, maybe the "Acrea Zest" wouldn't sell in the US, but the freaking FRENCH made that thing! You can do better than them you slacktards.